The Heartbreak of Friendship
I am a pretty easy going person and will get a long with pretty much anyone but I am shy and usually someone has to approach me before I open up so making friends is easy for me but it also isn't easy if you see what I mean.
So in high school I ended up with two very close best friends and that's it. So college was super scary for me but in the end I cam out with three good friends and they say in college friends last a lifetime or at least I thought they did.
So we will call these three friends; Emm, Elle, and Kay. At first when we graduated we still stayed pretty close. Even though work kept me busy on the weekends as well I tried to go and hang out. Elle lived in NH and Emm stayed in Maine while Kay moved back home to the west coast.
Money was an issue as soon as I had to start paying my loans back I mean I lived with my parents while everyone else was on there own so unfortunately money became an issue when I was invited out and even money for gas. I regret now making that an excuse but money will be an issue with me until I'm 37 or win the lottery that's the price I pay for going to a private college and working in a career field that pays CRAP.
So slowly we talked less and less and I saw them less and eventually everything just stopped and I only knew what was going on when social media stuff was posted. And I was always reaching out to them but the conversations ended very shortly with hey hey how are you good how are you good and that's it so eventually I stopped because I felt like I was bugging them. The three of them continued to be very close and hang out and talk.
And I sort of just let it be and let life go on. Then when I got invited to Elle's wedding I felt really out of place and everyone was just being nice to me because that's what you do and I was the girl you invite because you were friends once in college but not anymore. I'm glad Corey came with me because he talked to them more than I did but nothing still ever came from it. The whole oh we should talk more or hang out never happened. No one contacted or talked to me about hanging out. I was available but nothing. I didn't want to reach out because I didn't want to seem like some weird desperate puppy.
Couple nights a go I had a dream about them, because as we know my SC likes to bring up people from my past. I hadn't even consciously thought about them lately. Either way I woke up completely sad and I was like maybe I should try and reach out and see what happens. So I sent them each a message on facebook just trying to reconnect and not put blame on anyone for what happened and said I really suck at staying in contact with people. I have lost a lot of friends along my 27 years because of moving and going to different schools.
Anyway I sent these messages Wednesday morning and Elle responded pretty quickly and it was a nice response and so we chatted a little.
Emm and Kay both have read my messages but have said nothing which makes me sad. I know they are probably busy but they all talk to each other so I know they are all talking to each other about contacting them and only one decided to actually talk to me. I guess I set my expectations a little too high. Maybe they were really caught off guard and don't know what to say or what but I am actually really surprised at Emm because she is so nice and has a great heart so the fact she hasn't said anything hurts I mean it hurts that our friendship is clearly beyond hope but ignoring me seems well not a nice response. I don't really know what to think it does make me sad. Now I feel like when I talk to Elle she will think I'm the sad little puppy that's gonna bug her. I really don't talk a lot. I think I text my parents, corey and my coworkers more than my actual friends. I sent Elle a snap and a text today so I guess if things go silent again I have to just deal with it and move on again. I wasn't expecting it to be like it was back in college but at least something. I am trying to be more available now to my friends and do more. i've got one life to live and if I keep making money as an excuse I will have a lot of regret. I already have some and I don't want anymore.
In the end I think that maybe I was expecting too much from them and the friendship is just gone. I don't know what will happen with Elle maybe she's just being nice I don't know. I find that hard to believe but apparently people DO change. I like her and she is really nice so I think she might really want to try and be more communicative with me. so I don't know. It's a bit heartbreaking if the others never say anything. I am afraid to bring it up with Elle too. Like make it totally awkward if I say something. I'm not asking them to be my best friends just friends. I mean they are all conversing about it I'm sure so who knows what they are saying about me. and clearly I can't bug Emm and Kay again because then I really will be the desperate girl. I don't know what to do. I guess maybe give Emm and Kay some time and if nothing comes of it than just let it be or bring it up with Elle if we are still talking
Also I wish that my name tag already said vet tech. I feel like school is taking forever. I always feel like people think I don't do a lot because I'm just the vet assistant but I work as if i were a tech and I work really hard. I don't mind the title I guess since that's tech what I am but its not what I do. A lot of times people think vet assistants assist the techs so they just do the holding or cleaning and stocking and that's it. It's hard to tell people I do more. And ive been doing tech stuff for almost three years now so when the doctor asks the client if its okay if I draw the blood I feel downgraded a little. I mean yes I'm still learning I always will be but I even do blood draws on my own with help with some dogs so I'm not too shabby.
Now that I have poured my heart out I will go play the sims 3 and drown my sorrows in Sabrina the teenage witch. even though I should be reading for school. Busy day at work. just want to relax my brain.
Oh I get to watch Barnalade at the end of the month for like 10 days!! WHOOT! I even bought a backseat cover for my car that's for dogs.
So in high school I ended up with two very close best friends and that's it. So college was super scary for me but in the end I cam out with three good friends and they say in college friends last a lifetime or at least I thought they did.
So we will call these three friends; Emm, Elle, and Kay. At first when we graduated we still stayed pretty close. Even though work kept me busy on the weekends as well I tried to go and hang out. Elle lived in NH and Emm stayed in Maine while Kay moved back home to the west coast.
Money was an issue as soon as I had to start paying my loans back I mean I lived with my parents while everyone else was on there own so unfortunately money became an issue when I was invited out and even money for gas. I regret now making that an excuse but money will be an issue with me until I'm 37 or win the lottery that's the price I pay for going to a private college and working in a career field that pays CRAP.
So slowly we talked less and less and I saw them less and eventually everything just stopped and I only knew what was going on when social media stuff was posted. And I was always reaching out to them but the conversations ended very shortly with hey hey how are you good how are you good and that's it so eventually I stopped because I felt like I was bugging them. The three of them continued to be very close and hang out and talk.
And I sort of just let it be and let life go on. Then when I got invited to Elle's wedding I felt really out of place and everyone was just being nice to me because that's what you do and I was the girl you invite because you were friends once in college but not anymore. I'm glad Corey came with me because he talked to them more than I did but nothing still ever came from it. The whole oh we should talk more or hang out never happened. No one contacted or talked to me about hanging out. I was available but nothing. I didn't want to reach out because I didn't want to seem like some weird desperate puppy.
Couple nights a go I had a dream about them, because as we know my SC likes to bring up people from my past. I hadn't even consciously thought about them lately. Either way I woke up completely sad and I was like maybe I should try and reach out and see what happens. So I sent them each a message on facebook just trying to reconnect and not put blame on anyone for what happened and said I really suck at staying in contact with people. I have lost a lot of friends along my 27 years because of moving and going to different schools.
Anyway I sent these messages Wednesday morning and Elle responded pretty quickly and it was a nice response and so we chatted a little.
Emm and Kay both have read my messages but have said nothing which makes me sad. I know they are probably busy but they all talk to each other so I know they are all talking to each other about contacting them and only one decided to actually talk to me. I guess I set my expectations a little too high. Maybe they were really caught off guard and don't know what to say or what but I am actually really surprised at Emm because she is so nice and has a great heart so the fact she hasn't said anything hurts I mean it hurts that our friendship is clearly beyond hope but ignoring me seems well not a nice response. I don't really know what to think it does make me sad. Now I feel like when I talk to Elle she will think I'm the sad little puppy that's gonna bug her. I really don't talk a lot. I think I text my parents, corey and my coworkers more than my actual friends. I sent Elle a snap and a text today so I guess if things go silent again I have to just deal with it and move on again. I wasn't expecting it to be like it was back in college but at least something. I am trying to be more available now to my friends and do more. i've got one life to live and if I keep making money as an excuse I will have a lot of regret. I already have some and I don't want anymore.
In the end I think that maybe I was expecting too much from them and the friendship is just gone. I don't know what will happen with Elle maybe she's just being nice I don't know. I find that hard to believe but apparently people DO change. I like her and she is really nice so I think she might really want to try and be more communicative with me. so I don't know. It's a bit heartbreaking if the others never say anything. I am afraid to bring it up with Elle too. Like make it totally awkward if I say something. I'm not asking them to be my best friends just friends. I mean they are all conversing about it I'm sure so who knows what they are saying about me. and clearly I can't bug Emm and Kay again because then I really will be the desperate girl. I don't know what to do. I guess maybe give Emm and Kay some time and if nothing comes of it than just let it be or bring it up with Elle if we are still talking
Also I wish that my name tag already said vet tech. I feel like school is taking forever. I always feel like people think I don't do a lot because I'm just the vet assistant but I work as if i were a tech and I work really hard. I don't mind the title I guess since that's tech what I am but its not what I do. A lot of times people think vet assistants assist the techs so they just do the holding or cleaning and stocking and that's it. It's hard to tell people I do more. And ive been doing tech stuff for almost three years now so when the doctor asks the client if its okay if I draw the blood I feel downgraded a little. I mean yes I'm still learning I always will be but I even do blood draws on my own with help with some dogs so I'm not too shabby.
Now that I have poured my heart out I will go play the sims 3 and drown my sorrows in Sabrina the teenage witch. even though I should be reading for school. Busy day at work. just want to relax my brain.
Oh I get to watch Barnalade at the end of the month for like 10 days!! WHOOT! I even bought a backseat cover for my car that's for dogs.
Just some more postcards ^.
Also vacation was awesome last month. PERFECT weather every day and I swam a lot and read a ton!
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| From my works dinner. amazing place go it is in Cape Elizabeth. seasonal. |
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