Why do I keep doing this?
Every day I am trying not to talk to him but i always end up texting him first. I wanted to stop talking to him long enough that he would think of me to talk to not that he ever would...hes too preoccupied by her all the time.
I had to just keep thinking of memories over and over, back in January when we both went nuts because we just wanted to hold each other because neither of us had been able to do that for a month since we had come to terms that we really liked each other a lot. I had never even hugged you before. I have never wanted to be in someone’s arms as badly as yours in those moments we had to wait until we could finally see each other and do that for the first time. a hug is all it took for us to realize and feel this is exactly what we want. we need to be together.
Ugh Im also getting him a Christmas present for him and i told him that it doesnt mean he have to get one for me. And since he didnt respond to that he probably agreed but didnt want to say that for fear of hurting me. He worries about hurting me all the time so when i say something and he doesnt respond backs its because he doesnt want to hurt me. Thats what he told me. It bugs me that he doesnt say anything most of the time because of that. Yes im a delicate flower because of YOU so just say what you want to SAY! youve already done the worst damage you could possibly do so you might as well talk. he bugs the shit out of me but i love him damn it, and sometimes i dont know why but my heart chose him and i dont know why.
I didnt expect after giving him my whole self and my heart id get it right back in a million pieces. Like shit you didnt give me your heart at all because you never got it back or took it back from the last person who hurt you...
I hope that she doesnt hurt you again. I hope she makes you feel special every day, tells you she loves you every chance she gets, cooks for you, rubs your back whenever you want even after shes had a long day at work and is exhausted, kisses you goodbye like its the last time she will ever kiss you, leaves you notes, plays video games with you, holds your hand all the time, kisses you good morning on the forehead or cheek before leaving for work before you are even up. Just wants you to be happy. Snuggle with you and watch anime with you until 1am, watch disney movies with you, act ridiculous.. Never lose the passion or romance. surprises you with your favorite things, even the little things like a glass bottle of coke or some sushi from shaws. Wants to get a lab puppy named molly with you and never has a second thought in her mind about you and her. never thinks of another guy or flirts all the time with other men. I hope you can trust her that she will not cheat on you or leave you for someone else. Every little fight remember its normal but if it gets too much be careful because you dont want to marry someone you will fight with all the time. and i have no doubt you will say I do to her and never come back to me.
I thought i saw her at the gym today and i texted him to ask him if she went there and he said no are you worried about meeting her there?
Yes i mean its a free country and she can do whatever she wants but its a place where i go to escape and honestly i dont ever want to meet her. Shes messed you up and hurt you and now shes hurt me as well and i hate her for both things. Its not all her fault but yours as well but doesnt mean i still cant hate her. If i ever did see her by accident id probably go home and cry because i cant be mean to her especially since he cares about her so much. but if im lucky i wont be around here much longer. I just want to move.
I miss you.
i just blog my feels. it keeps me from talking to him about it.
I had to just keep thinking of memories over and over, back in January when we both went nuts because we just wanted to hold each other because neither of us had been able to do that for a month since we had come to terms that we really liked each other a lot. I had never even hugged you before. I have never wanted to be in someone’s arms as badly as yours in those moments we had to wait until we could finally see each other and do that for the first time. a hug is all it took for us to realize and feel this is exactly what we want. we need to be together.
Ugh Im also getting him a Christmas present for him and i told him that it doesnt mean he have to get one for me. And since he didnt respond to that he probably agreed but didnt want to say that for fear of hurting me. He worries about hurting me all the time so when i say something and he doesnt respond backs its because he doesnt want to hurt me. Thats what he told me. It bugs me that he doesnt say anything most of the time because of that. Yes im a delicate flower because of YOU so just say what you want to SAY! youve already done the worst damage you could possibly do so you might as well talk. he bugs the shit out of me but i love him damn it, and sometimes i dont know why but my heart chose him and i dont know why.
I didnt expect after giving him my whole self and my heart id get it right back in a million pieces. Like shit you didnt give me your heart at all because you never got it back or took it back from the last person who hurt you...
I hope that she doesnt hurt you again. I hope she makes you feel special every day, tells you she loves you every chance she gets, cooks for you, rubs your back whenever you want even after shes had a long day at work and is exhausted, kisses you goodbye like its the last time she will ever kiss you, leaves you notes, plays video games with you, holds your hand all the time, kisses you good morning on the forehead or cheek before leaving for work before you are even up. Just wants you to be happy. Snuggle with you and watch anime with you until 1am, watch disney movies with you, act ridiculous.. Never lose the passion or romance. surprises you with your favorite things, even the little things like a glass bottle of coke or some sushi from shaws. Wants to get a lab puppy named molly with you and never has a second thought in her mind about you and her. never thinks of another guy or flirts all the time with other men. I hope you can trust her that she will not cheat on you or leave you for someone else. Every little fight remember its normal but if it gets too much be careful because you dont want to marry someone you will fight with all the time. and i have no doubt you will say I do to her and never come back to me.
I thought i saw her at the gym today and i texted him to ask him if she went there and he said no are you worried about meeting her there?
Yes i mean its a free country and she can do whatever she wants but its a place where i go to escape and honestly i dont ever want to meet her. Shes messed you up and hurt you and now shes hurt me as well and i hate her for both things. Its not all her fault but yours as well but doesnt mean i still cant hate her. If i ever did see her by accident id probably go home and cry because i cant be mean to her especially since he cares about her so much. but if im lucky i wont be around here much longer. I just want to move.
I miss you.
i just blog my feels. it keeps me from talking to him about it.
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