A New Chapter

This is a topic that has always been dear to me because well I grew up a gamer. Always have been one always will be. It all started growing up with an older brother. My dad is a computer programmer so our house has always had computer(s). So at first when I became old enough to understand the use of a computer I played the typical kid games like Putt Putt, Kid Pix and Magic School Bus and other educational fun games. Then as I got older my brother introduced me to his games because we would share a computer so I started playing the Sims and the Lego game. Then around 8 years of age and on I started playing more games like; Half-Life, Doom, Descent, Quake, Unreal Tournament etc. Eventually I got my own computer and my gaming  genres increased. I got into games like the Elder Scroll Series,racing games, Fifa EA sports. I was into everything my brother was playing except for Flight Simulator. He got PC Gamer so I got to play a lot of demos of ALL types of games. Neverhood wa...

      I'm 25 years old 5ft 5inches and 127 pounds. I go to the gym 4 days a week for about 50 mins. I'm not gluten-free, vegetarian or vegan. I love meat and I eat dairy on a daily basis whether its milk. yogurt or cheese. I eat my veggies and fruit but I also love my carbs and starches; pasta, bread and rice. I eat sweets when I want to but its not all the time and never an excessive amount. Do I love my occasional muffin or donut or cookie yes I do and I don't feel guilty when I do. I have one life to live and im not going to force myself to be miserable all the time because I want to be skinny and eat raw veggies and no gluten and no sugar. And feel guilty and have cheat days because you just need a couple donuts but to make sure you work out extra hard and just eat a celery stick the next day to make up for it. I eat healthy and I get exercise and my work gives me more exercise as a veterinary assistant, being on my feet. I don't have a 6 pack and my thighs ...

What happens if I get that job and i move away and you guys dont end up working out? What if you dont work out after a year? Will you still want to try us again, will you still have any sort of feelings for me? What if i am far away? Do we try it out for a little while and if we decide its worth it, do i look for a job back down there where you are? I would do that in heartbeat..if i moved away and we tried long distance for awhile (not saying that is ever going to happen because it probably wont) and we realized this is what each of us wants and wants to continue i would apply to freakin idexx as a phone person just to be with you. I would move back in heartbeat. There are plenty of jobs around the area that i can apply to and id suck it up to be with you. Id suck up answering phones and conversing with clients on a daily basis to BE WITH YOU and thats saying a lot. But if that ever does happen for now moving away is a better choice. Even being in Portland is too close to him. I wan...

I want to know what its like to date you and your entire self. Your heart your mind body and soul. Not part of you and the shit part of you and her and her heart. I just want you and i and no on else. The entire 9 months we dated it felt like part of you her and i. I want to be the only person you think of when you wake up and the last thought before you go to bed and everything in between. I know you thought about her all the time which is shitty. I want to know what its like to be your number one and not your number two. Its so unfair we never got the chance to. I wish i would have met you at a different point in your life when it was just you and you actually had your heart so you could open it to someone else. What is it like for you to love a girl so much you would hurt someone else so badly to be with her? What's it like to be in a relationship with you where you are obsessed with the woman and would kiss her feet if she asked? She is the only one who has ever had all of you...

I really don't know if I ever talked about it but basically after we had a wonderful day together because I hadn't seen him in a week (we'll skip the part where he got home early lied to me then cheated on me) and as we snuggled down to watch a movie decided to throw the words out we need to talk. Why those words are the worst things in the world to hear. I actually don't remember most of what he said because as soon as he said those words he started bawling his eyes out so a lot of it was muffled through the crying and I was sick of asking what he was trying to say. He cried more than I did in fact I had to almost slap him because he was crying so hard he couldn't breath it was kind of annoying. Basically he said we needed space because he was only going to marry a girl once and wanted to make sure it was the right one and his heart truly belonged to someone else at the time and it would continue to be a lie if he stayed with me and it would be worse for us if we ...

I constantly want to ask him stuff but ill type it out and then erase it because id rather wait to ask him when i see his face..his handsome adorable face. anyways today i did ask him if we could get together after all the holidays in January for like a trial run go eat dinner somewhere and he said sure sounds fine. I was not expecting that at all. What i was expecting was why do you keep pushing it i will tell you when i am ready to see you but i guess not. So i was like well uh thanks for changing your mind i guess? and he hasnt talked to me since than so im like shit wtf dude I wanted to send him a message today asking how why when my friend asked him like a week after we broke up if we were broken broken up and he said he didnt know yet and it was too soon to tell. Okay so its been like 2 months and you still really havent given me an answer and every time i sort of bring it up you keep saying i dont know i dont know the answer to everything i dont know blah blah WTF DUDE HOW CO...

Does she know how lucky every damn day she is to have you? to have someone as amazing and wonderful as you. I hope she tells you that every day, I am so lucky to have you i am so lucky i never lost you because you never tried to move on from me and just held on even while getting strong feelings for another girl and fucking her up. I hope she spoils you every chance she gets. You deserve it. You are a good person who has made mistakes and poor choices but that just makes you human. I never regret any moment with you. I hope she tells you every day more than once that she loves you to the moon and back and she couldn't imagine her world without you. How she wants to wake up to your handsome adorable face every morning and gets butterflies every time you leave from work because she cant wait to see you. How even at work she craves your touch even though she just saw you an hour ago before you left for work. I hope she cares for you until her dieing breath and never thinks of anothe...