The Actual Break Up and Post Break Up
I really don't know if I ever talked about it but basically after we had a wonderful day together because I hadn't seen him in a week (we'll skip the part where he got home early lied to me then cheated on me) and as we snuggled down to watch a movie decided to throw the words out we need to talk. Why those words are the worst things in the world to hear. I actually don't remember most of what he said because as soon as he said those words he started bawling his eyes out so a lot of it was muffled through the crying and I was sick of asking what he was trying to say. He cried more than I did in fact I had to almost slap him because he was crying so hard he couldn't breath it was kind of annoying.
Basically he said we needed space because he was only going to marry a girl once and wanted to make sure it was the right one and his heart truly belonged to someone else at the time and it would continue to be a lie if he stayed with me and it would be worse for us if we stayed together longer. He didn't know what was right or wrong anymore and needed to figure things out with her because I deserved to be with someone where I was there number 1. He said a bunch of other stuff but like I said he cried a lot. I should have left that night but I was too upset to drive so basically we went to bed and were glued to each other the rest of the night (not like that) we held each other and comforted each other. Every time one of us would move the other would wake up and move right back as close as they could get to the other. I didn't find out about the cheating on my own by reading his texts the next day which started the crying all over again. We said our ill miss you's as he went to work and that it wasn't goodbye it was see you later and he kissed my forehead and walked away. I saw him a week later to get more of my stuff and there was more crying and yet again stuff I don't remember what he said but whatever.
He never said the whole its better if we are just friends its better we don't talk or see each other anymore its better if you just move on there is nothing left here anymore. He said nothing that a normal person would say to someone when breaking up with them. He never even said we should break up and there is nothing left here. 2 months later and he still has not said anything of that sort!! its still I don't knows and no matter what happens in the future I wouldn't take those 9 months back. I don't know whats going to happen in the future I don't know this or that im just telling you what I know right now and yes if she and I didn't work out there would be no reason that I wouldn't reconsider us and no it wasn't easy to friend zone you, I care about you a lot but right now you are my very good friend etc blah blah you will always be my panda no on else. it didn't mean I didn't like you a lot I did like you a lot I do like you but I love her with all my heart and on and on and I have to pursue her right now and on more things I don't know.
and you wonder why I have no closure. but maybe I don't want closure? maybe I want to think he will fall back into my life in like 2 years. but I cant live my life waiting. if it happens it happens if it doesn't then I guess it really is goodbye.
Im also sick of him saying he knows what it feels like. When she broke up with you did she cheat on you with an ex that she always loved and never loved you?! no she did not! so cut the I know what you are going through shit because YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL EVERYDAY BECAUSE OF IT. YOU had a normal breakup. WE did not.
Now im going to bake today. Im excited! and apply for a job.
Basically he said we needed space because he was only going to marry a girl once and wanted to make sure it was the right one and his heart truly belonged to someone else at the time and it would continue to be a lie if he stayed with me and it would be worse for us if we stayed together longer. He didn't know what was right or wrong anymore and needed to figure things out with her because I deserved to be with someone where I was there number 1. He said a bunch of other stuff but like I said he cried a lot. I should have left that night but I was too upset to drive so basically we went to bed and were glued to each other the rest of the night (not like that) we held each other and comforted each other. Every time one of us would move the other would wake up and move right back as close as they could get to the other. I didn't find out about the cheating on my own by reading his texts the next day which started the crying all over again. We said our ill miss you's as he went to work and that it wasn't goodbye it was see you later and he kissed my forehead and walked away. I saw him a week later to get more of my stuff and there was more crying and yet again stuff I don't remember what he said but whatever.
He never said the whole its better if we are just friends its better we don't talk or see each other anymore its better if you just move on there is nothing left here anymore. He said nothing that a normal person would say to someone when breaking up with them. He never even said we should break up and there is nothing left here. 2 months later and he still has not said anything of that sort!! its still I don't knows and no matter what happens in the future I wouldn't take those 9 months back. I don't know whats going to happen in the future I don't know this or that im just telling you what I know right now and yes if she and I didn't work out there would be no reason that I wouldn't reconsider us and no it wasn't easy to friend zone you, I care about you a lot but right now you are my very good friend etc blah blah you will always be my panda no on else. it didn't mean I didn't like you a lot I did like you a lot I do like you but I love her with all my heart and on and on and I have to pursue her right now and on more things I don't know.
and you wonder why I have no closure. but maybe I don't want closure? maybe I want to think he will fall back into my life in like 2 years. but I cant live my life waiting. if it happens it happens if it doesn't then I guess it really is goodbye.
Im also sick of him saying he knows what it feels like. When she broke up with you did she cheat on you with an ex that she always loved and never loved you?! no she did not! so cut the I know what you are going through shit because YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL EVERYDAY BECAUSE OF IT. YOU had a normal breakup. WE did not.
Now im going to bake today. Im excited! and apply for a job.
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